Who are you?
Excellent question. My name is Benjamin. My official nickname is konaya. De facto nicknames include kona-chan, Benja, Benji, Benny, Banjo, Charlie, Tajjan, et cetera. Simply yelling Oi, you! will suffice. Feel free to come up with a nickname with which to address me; I will probably do the same to you, as that is my way of relating to people.
What are you?
Ah, broad questions; how I love thee1. I am human, for starters. I am a Swede. I will be a civil engineer, if my studies turn out all right. I am a countertenor, although a bit rusty; a tinker; a warranty voider; an explorer; a lover; a coder; a hacker, which essentially is a synonym for most of the above. I have a flambuginous doctorate in dactylonomy. The preceding sentence suggests that I am a huge fan of gadzookery and godwottery; I do not mean the flosculous kind, to which I remain neutral. More specific inquiries as to what I am are always welcome.
Where are you?
The answer to question 1.2 established my demonym, suggesting I spend most of my time in Sweden. Quite near the capital, actually. I do travel abroad sometimes, I suppose, but if you want more up-to-date information regarding my whereabouts you could try befriending me. Some healthy stalking might also do the trick.
When are you?
Post natum, I am somewhere from my time of birth on Sat Oct 29 11:35:00 CET 1988 onwards. Feel free to extrapolate backwards if you want to include my gestation period when considering the length of time I have existed. Although you probably have better things to do. If you do not, contact me; I have a tonne of projects on the idle due to lack of available time, so I could use some henchmen.
Why are you?
Oh. That is a hard one. Assuming you have at least the basic idea of how conception works, I will skip addressing this question from a biological point of view. If we instead modify the question a bit to read Why are you what you are?«, it becomes more interesting. I suppose I am what I am because I have been where I have been and seen what I have seen. This should hold true for every self-aware being, methinks.
Why are you, from a biological point of view?
Smart-ass. Because my parents fell in love on a boat in New Zeeland, or was it Singapore? Born nine months later in Sweden, I have continued to be, as I have seen no reason not to be. If you need details, consult Wikipedia.
How are you?
I am fine, thanks for asking. We all have our ups and downs, but I would like to believe that I do rather well.
Where have you been?
Well, it all depends on what you mean. In terms of travelling and which countries I have visited, I have been to Albania, Australia, Belgium, China, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Holy See, Hungary, Italy, Latvia, Luxembourg, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Oman, Poland, Russia, Singapore, Spain, Sweden, United Arab Emirates, and the United Kingdom. Some of the above I have visited only briefly; others I have visited several times and in different regions. I enjoy travelling, and I believe that a good journey tells you anything (within reason) you need to know about your fellow travellers.
What do you believe in?
I believe in gravity (although it would be interesting if string theory replaced macro-physics as we know it), springtime, the moon, open source, the inevitable downfall of Microsoft, social harassment of tobacco smokers and the gradual increment thereof, the refurbishing of old words and grammar as opposed to reinventing the wheel when the situation calls for changes in the use of a given language, and that the Earth is an oblate spheroid. Or at the very least the projection of it into Euclidean space; taking into account the temporal dimension, the real shape would probably be more of a toroid, or possibly a recursive spiral.
So, what about religious beliefs?
Interesting question. I believe in all religions, in that I am convinced that they all exist and exert their influences on billions of people every day. Whether I think their claims are accurate or just the ramblings of madmen (or, in a fashion, genii) is beyond the scope of the question, but I tend to lean towards the latter. From the outside looking in, most religions look like short-sighted but effective (that is to say, convenient) ways of enforcing laws and ways of life. Or as Dara O'Briain so brilliantly put it: Genesis was just a load of fairy stories to get the kids to go to bed, on a donkey ride to Jerusalem two-thousand years ago. Having said that, I do believe that there are phenomena science can not explain. I also believe that science is working on it, and will find an answer – or amend itself to accommodate the given phenomenon – given enough time, resources, and interest.
What is your stand on open versus closed source?
Closed source is the proverbial Satan of the computing world. Or rather, the companies producing it. Which would make the code itself... Sins? I sense my metaphor falling apart, but I think I have made clear my opinions on the matter. I long for the day I do not have to void a warranty or violate an end-user license agreement just to make my gear work well.
What is your favourite language?
This question is intentionally left ambiguous, since I would like to address both programming languages and human languages in one paragraph. The selection of a favourite language could be based on how beautiful you think it is, or practical, or syntactically brilliant. If the latter, I must say that I am intrigued by the Japanese language, with its use of grammatic particles and its no-exception rules. But in reality, what I want in a human language is the feeling that several million people before me have spoken from the same repository of words and grammar, considered the syntax and semantics, and coined new words or new ways of expressing oneself with the words and grammar at hand. I want history and diversity. So my favourite human language is, of course, English. It is spoken everywhere, but, more importantly, it has been independently shaped to fit the needs of hundreds of societies across the world. And hearing the local English dialects, no, attempting to speak them, no, rather tasting them makes you feel it all, feel the history, the attitude, the very soul of the people with whom you are conversing. Similarily, I like local dialects of my native language, Swedish, but the Swedish language have unfortunately degenerated into a cityesque generalised slurry. Which, I suppose, is conforming to the needs and attitude of the people using it, so I am technically all for it, but I reserve my right to mourn the beauty of a language now rendered all but obsolete.
Dude, programming languages!
Oh, right! Pardon my digression. The first language I truly learned was Java. Sure, we all had our dabble with some flavour of BASIC and assembly when we were kids, but schools in Sweden generally teach Java, so that is what I was taught. And I do not really enjoy it, but I am somewhat fluent in it. My actual favourite would be Python. It does what I want it to do, it is easy without being simple, and it is suitable for most things I do. I know enough C to read code and somewhat understand it after poking about a bit; I want to know more, though, so I am trying to learn it. I know some other languages, but we are talking about favourites, right?
How do I contact you?
Oh, the ways are a'plenty! The easiest way would be to send me an e-mail. Putting an e-mail address on a web page would be begging for spam, but I can assure you that if you take my first name (see the FAQ, which should be easy considering you are already reading it), add an @, and then attach mysteriousquilt.se as the domain, you will probably get through to me. Other ways include Facebook (migration to Diaspora will happen when I gather enough people I trust to motivate the establishing of a new pod), Twitter, IRC, good ol' telephone, slightly-less-good slightly-less-ol' cellular phone, or simply walking up to me on the street. Again, some healthy stalking might do the trick.
I tried calling your cellular phone, but there was no answer!
Calling me on my cellular phone will probably yield no results. I hate focusing on a disembodied voice encoded with a 12kbps single-channel GSM codec or the equivalent for UMTS or HSDPA or what have you. Especially since not being able to reach me at my home phone suggests I am out doing stuff. No, asynchronous communication always works with me; in other words, send me an SMS or an e-mail!
But I want to engage in verbal communication!
Then meet me IRL. I assure you that any verbal communication will be much more satisfying in sweet, sweet non-encoded surround, preferrably with some beverage at the ready.
But I do not have the time to meet!
Then send me an SMS or an e-mail. (See what I did there?)
Ugh.
Yeah, I get that a lot. Normally I would point out that that was not a question but rather a resigned grunt, but I suspect that would only serve to increase the "ugh" feeling which you are experiencing. I am sorry, really, but calling me without any kind of forewarning is a really bad idea. If you truly need me on the 'phone, at least give me a heads-up and let me confirm before you call.
Where are you? event started more than arbitrary unit of time ago!
See, I have this problem with time, in the sense of it not floating at a steady pace. Since late 2010 the problem has receded, much to the shocked enjoyment of my near and dear, but I still am really good at escaping into my own mind, zoning out.
Why are you so hard to contact? I have called you arbitrary and ridiculously high amount times!
See answers 3.2-4. Also, consider this: If one method of achieving a certain goal clearly does not work, why do you not try another way? That is what a gerbil would do. Are you saying a gerbil would defeat you in rational thought?
Why do I always get the feeling that you try to one-up me, or that you are a bit of a know-it-all and/or condescending?
I get this one a lot, for some reason. I assure you, I am not. Apparently, my way of conversing seems condescending to some. I like to point out factual errors and flaws in reasoning, true, but at the same time I like getting any factual errors I might spout corrected. How else would I learn? How else would anyone learn anything? Since any inquiries as to how I am condescending are met with flustered nonsensical statements, or simply a suggestion that I forget about it, I am led to believe that it is in fact these people who are all I already know everything, so if you try to correct me on anything I will take it as a highly personal insult. Please, do not be this guy, girl, or gerbil.
When we are engaging in conversation, It sometimes feels as though you are slipping away. How come?
Ah, yes. I might be zoning out. It does not necessarily mean that I do not listen, but it might. Do not take offence; I probably try to concentrate, but I might be tired, hungry, or just a bit bored. Not with you, but with the situation; for instance, when sitting down for too long my mind goes astray. Getting up and walking will probably zone me right back in, so go ahead and give that a try.
A FAQ?
Yes, a FAQ.
Seriously?
Yes, seriously.
But... Why?
Well, why not? Every person should have her own FAQ. It would clear up a lot and simplify things. It would also bring the term RTFM into a social context, which would be interesting.
With what did you write it?
This FAQ was written with GNU Nano 2.2.6, and it is written in XHTML 1.1.
May I rip it off?
Absolutely! Of course, that depends on what you mean by it. The site design and all questions not too »me-specific« are free to copy and use under the Creative Commons — Attribution ShareAlike licence. As I said, everyone should have their own FAQ. My answers, however, applies only to me, and copying them would rather defeat the purpose of a personalised FAQ. So, hands off the answers when copying. You may – and should – keep this one, however, as it rather neatly explains the terms of distribution to others.
I have a question not listed here!
No worries2. Just ask me in person, either face-to-face or via some form of communication device. Of course, I reserve the right to cite your question for the purpose of listing it here.
1Oh, bugger off. You were probably thinking why I would refer to broad questions as thee. I agree totally; why would I, indeed? Well, I rather meant that I love you for asking broad questions, so that I may give frustrating answers to them. Broad questions are, after all, layered; the way in which a respondent chooses to answer the question is as much an answer in itself as the answer given. Useful, they are. And slightly discomforting if you find yourself at the receiving end. Flippant digression is the best defence.
2This footnote only applies to Caroline Taggart and other U-type users of the Queen's English. I do have relatives in Australia, so I claim the right to use the phrase No worries! without being considered Inelegant for doing so. I have no illusions as to my use – abuse? – of the English language in general; I am not a native speaker, and despite my efforts my English will always be lacklustre, although I hope not as much as if I were not to make any efforts at all. (Case in point?)